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Fear and worry

Hello, dear blog.
I shall tonight abuse you as a public diary for all to read.

I shall be repeating my oreliminaries come mid-february. And I am worries. The last time I went in to attempt them, I had killer project, which I had spent most of the semester on, which was simply not adequaetley presented by me. To think I had been joking that all that could go wrong in that respect was me...
Well, this time around, I don't have anything yet, except a solid idea of what I am going to be presenting. I am going to be doing a little show, which in German shall be called "Folgen", or consequences. The consequences f studiying graphic design, of success, failure, of living in Germany and thinking along with Germans, of working and studiying at the same time. This is the tenor that I would to struike this time around.
On the one hand, the subject is good. It does something that was missing from my previous presentation, it reflects what I have learned in the course ofmy studies, that I have learned something.
But sometimes I think that I have not learned enough to impress a stupid German Jury. These people judge me by criteria that I cannot begin to comprehend, nor, quite honestly, do I think myself capable of entering their mindset. Even though I believe my work to be mostly result-oriented, I also enjoy the the journey that leads there, the experimentation, the jiggery=pokery involved in creating good piece of design, no matter what kind of design you are trying to create.
Last time, I was so sure of myself. I went in, secure of my victory and success. This time, I am not. Like Verruca Salt's mother says, Confidence is Key. Somehow, right now, I can't muster the confidence at anything but a half-hearted attempt at this.
What to do?
Keep it together is the plan. Keep youself going./ Buy a few bottles of wine and lock yourself in with a couple of women for distraction. And do it right.
Oh yeh. I also am working off the dream system i have always wanted. Kind of like my batyscaph, I find myself stranded at the bottom of a depression, hoping to arise once more.


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